The Difference Between the Sprout and the Bean

they throw the shots down, and they save the last round for the windows

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 18:53:45 GMT

For some reason, holidays make me really depressed. Right before my family comes, I'm usually curled up in the bathroom wishing I could just lock the door for the whole day.

Katherine and Tequila are going to have to fix it for this Thanksgiving, though I feel pretty gross starting at eleven in the morning.

God, please just get me through this year.

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 03:37:12 GMT

red and blue is all I see.

the wonders of googling yourself

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 01:50:49 GMT

and oh my my I'd do anything to make him die

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:44:18 GMT

Max, James and I went to Madison's house most days after school before she too had to return to school. Some pictures from one of the afternoons:

(brownie) family portrait

better family portrait

James looking beautiful

the madison face

maxwell...

when their faces blow a fuse, it's a miracle

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:09:24 GMT

Because of these (joking) comments on my tendency towards seeming indecisiveness, I've been noticing that I actually am extremely decisive. I absolutely, definitely know what I want, but I only know it from one second to the next. To the untrained eye this appears to be an inconsistency. What they fail to see are the countless nanoseconds during which my sense of purpose is solid as a rock.

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 00:33:35 GMT

I think it's weird when friends call each other, "whore" and "slut" and "hoe."

Maybe not that weird, but a little.

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 03:55:24 GMT

Today I went to Jive with Meagan and Maddie and bought my first pair of rainbow suspenders.

I love them even more than I thought I would.

and a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 01:40:35 GMT

I'm going to go see Joanna Newsom on December 13th in Austin.

I think Marcus and Zack should come with me.

I fell in love with this essay a long time ago.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 03:29:35 GMT

I believe in genes and a forward flow of time and in all things visible and invisible.

Smaller than a light microscope sees,
a gene is a genie (is a ghost)
is one-half of each of us given by one-half of each parent.

Each of us comes from two parents
each of whom came from two parents
each of whom came from two parents
in an endless criss-cross of streams of time and persons going backwards

And each of us is as in our own incarnation
a soul inside a body
for some reason

a fire
a flame
a soul

what we desire
(that we desire)

Lighter than flesh, the soul is the glow of us.
The soul is the particular glow that the genes make when they make.
It's the soul that stands the body up and gets it moving forward.
Every body's soul is on a journey.

I believe we live in a solar system
that we go around a sun, the Sun
and that the Sun is a giant ball of flame.

I believe that most of the energy for everything on Earth
comes from the Sun except
for the energies of the Earth itself
because the Earth itself is also on fire.

Inside.
In the center.
At its core.
We know this from volcanoes.
That there is fire going on inside of the Earth.

We stand on an earth that is
a boiling ball of iron
on fire in space
spinning at its core as it circles a source of sunshine.

And each generation is short. A mutation.

first we're a child
then an adult
then a parent in turn to a child
then an old person
(hopefully)

with change, constant change all around us all ways through out
who wears what who's in charge what music sounds good

I believe that a book is a box.
Because a book carries something from some one person to another
And because it is used (and can be used) to carry ideas across time.
Which is how ideas build up.

And each of us is not only our own lives unwinding forward
but also a part of (and in service to)
the larger life of the tribe
which in turn is in service to the larger life of the species
which in turn is in service to a larger life source
lost in a bath of stars that is a galaxy
scattered in the hugeness of the universe.

We are not lost when we die.
We never go away.
Why would we go away?
When we're gone, we come back.

- Dennis Downey

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 16:18:02 GMT

I'd be safe and warm if I was in LA.

You know the preacher likes the cold, he knows I'm gonna stay.

fuzzy recollections

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 22:52:38 GMT

I have a love/hate relationship with vague memories.

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 03:23:41 GMT

some days aren't yours at all, they come and go as if they're someone else's days.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 02:55:17 GMT

I've been in a Hejira place lately.

More or less.

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 01:15:37 GMT

I feel like I've recovered from Stockholm Syndrome.

airbag burn is a bitch

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 03:42:52 GMT

finally

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:58:26 GMT

secret machines - fucking incredible

wandering

julie and bugs

competition for luna

the mass

delerium

waiting for the shins

Maxwell

flipnotics

waiting for van the man

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 20:08:40 GMT

Now, throughout the years, I've seen many...creative ways of spelling my name. But today introduced an entirely new one: cycil.

To me, Cycil looks like the name of some yeast infection cream. It might just be.

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 02:35:48 GMT

I shall forget you presently, my dear,
so make the most of this, your little day,
your little month, your little half a year,
ere I forget, or die, or move away,
and we are done forever; by and by
I shall forget you, as I said, but now
if you entreat me with you lovliest lie,
I will protest you with my favorite vow.
I would indeed that love were longer lived,
and oaths were not so brittle as they are,
But so it is, the nature has contrived
to struggle on without a break thus far,-
Whether or not we find what we are seeking
is idle, biologically speaking.

Is it something we drank?

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 02:27:30 GMT

There are days, like today, where I can't help but feel like Icarus.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 17:28:53 GMT

I'm listening to the Final Fantasy cover of Joanna Newsom's Peach, Plum, Pear. Though I'm impressed that someone had the guts to cover a Joanna song, they didn't alter it much - it's pretty much the same. However, near the end, the added string orchestral bit is good. Maybe I'm just one for experimental covers. Now I want to hear more Joanna covers really badly.

I must compliment Meagan on Yarn and Glue. It's wonderful wonderful wonderful.

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 02:22:08 GMT

"Once in a while, when reality would hit her - something she couldn't handle in her lovely way, then she was wild."

-of Edna St. Vincent Millay. And myself.

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 02:09:59 GMT

This Side of the Blue

Svetlana sucks lemons across from me,
and I am progressing abominably.
And I do not know my own way to the sea
but the saltiest sea knows its own way to me.

The city that turns, turns protracted and slow
and I find myself toeing th'embarcadero
and I find myself knowing the things that I knew
which is all that you can know on this side of the blue

And Jaime has eyes black and shiny as boots
and they march at you, two-by-two (re - loo - re - loo);
when she looks at you, you know she's nowhere near through:
it's the hardest heart beating this side of the blue.

And the signifieds butt heads with the signifiers,
and we all fall down slack-jawed to marvel at words!
While across the sky sheet the impossible birds,
in a steady, illiterate movement homewards.

And Gabriel stands beneath forest and moon.
See them rattle & boo, see them shake, see them loom.
See him fashion a cap from a page of Camus;
see him navigate deftly this side of the blue.

And the rest of our lives will the moments accrue
when the shape of their goneness will flare up anew.
hen we do what we have to do (re - loo - re -loo),
which is all you can do on this side of the blue.

-Dearest Joanna

(Mercedes De Acosta, Greta Garbo's lover)

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 02:27:51 GMT

Exactly one month until my birthday.

Rosalind's birthday. My seventeen year old baby! I called her this morning and had the usual conversation of squeeling for five minutes before real talking. I miss her, but I really need to stop walking around missing so many things all the time.

I have a deep-rooted crush that is finally playing out.

And I feel like Ray writing this entry.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 16:39:20 GMT

After listening to my new copy of Rabbit Fur Coat on vinyl, my dad gave me twenty dollars and said I could only spend it in a musical endeavour. If I spent it on anything else, like food, he wanted it back. Honestly, I do need money to pay for food, but this just shows what is most important to my father.

After spending the last three morning hours reading The New York Times, I feel like world war III is slightly for eminent than I previously believed.

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 17:26:19 GMT

Oh I do believe
If you don't like things you leave
For some place you never gone before